Four Hours of Bliss
One of the most potent and powerfully used phrases during the past decade seems to be, “Yesterday's the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” ~Bill Keane
It’s a phrase I have used in serious conversation and more recently; I have used it to be sarcastic as well. It almost feels sacrilegious. To be using such a compelling phrase in light. But this week I got it. I felt the power of present like I haven’t felt it before. For four hours this week, I wasn’t in a bad mood.
They were Tuesday and Thursday, from 3:00 – 4:00 and from 4:10 – 5:10. During the rest of my week I was trying to think my way out of a miserable feeling. Upset with my 5th
graders for lacking responsibility and respect. Unsure of my financial situation. Physically tired. My jaw, perpetually clenched and my spine shooting up my back like a two-by-four. I ate to satisfy something deep, but not even chocolate could pacify my irritation. And all the while, I tugged at the opposite ends of a constricted disposition, in an attempt to figure it out
. To figure it all out. It's lonely in a me world.
I remember hearing a powerful phrase at the Yoga Journal Conference in 2011. “We are only truly OK when we are OK with not being OK.” But this week, I wasn’t OK.
Except for during four magical hours.
Except for when I turned off the transistor radio in my head.
Except for when I got to teach four yoga classes.
When I needed to be fully present. And not only for myself. But for others.
For those four hours I did everything I could to be present and with my students. I didn’t come from a place of anxiety and fear, but instead I instructed on empty
. I severed the connection between my problems and my present, and we smiled, laughed and we even had fun. We tried new poses, we went into the unknown, and we connected.
I don’t know the state of my students' day, but for those paranormal four hours I was refreshed and renewed. And when we closed with Namaste
, I felt as though I had been rinsed.
This doesn’t mean that I emerged a new woman, by no means. That was not the intention. I actually like the grumbling and venting me, uncertainty and all. So much room to grow.
What I did find however, was a sanctuary in time. One I will run to often. Called Now.