Fake it ‘till You Make it
"Fake it ‘till You Make it."
I said those words last week with a dear friend whose boyfriend texted her to tell her that it was over.
“Fake it ‘till you make it.”
I suggested as she tearfully roared uphill. And then I heard it again the same week. And then, I started to question my own advice.
I have done a lot of faking in my days. I have faked sick, faked sad, faked “poor me”, faked “awesome, incredible me”, faked a smile, faked loved, faked “I’m paying attention”, faked (wow … I feel like I could go on and on) not mad, faked confident, faked ready, faked happy and faked comfortable.
But there's a lot less faking than there use to be. Thank goodness.
Sure, there is a big part of me that questions when faking is inauthentic; and whether it always is. But at the heart of it all, I think I fake because I need a break, because I am sad and need someone to care, because I feel less than amazing, because I know happiness dwells deep within, because I love in ways different than I should
, because I don't always pay attention and multi-task with others’ time, because I am OK with a situation but have convinced myself otherwise, because I lack confidence, because I am as ready as I am going to be, and because I am comfortable enough; just enough. I am a spectrum of emotions and ideas, and when I'm able to flip my own switches, I am better able to act from my own influence and control.
I get good at what I repeatedly do.
So although I do not suggest faking it all the time, I do think there is actual power in doing it if it ejects me from a vicious circle; the one that sucks me into a dark vortex of self-doubt, self-pity and self-loathing. Will you become a good faker? Perhaps. But can you become a more empowered person too? Yes.
I just put down Baron’s book Being of Power
, and I left feeling uplifted and inspired. These are not feelings that have been fueling my days these past few weeks, in fact much the opposite. So where did these new feelings come from? It wasn’t as if the book gave them to me, but instead it encouraged me to come into my own empowered space. It unlocked some of the patterns and behaviors that have become so habitual and even reckless if not in check. I had become a creature of habit; a slave to my circumstance rather than empowered by choice
I am not encouraging inauthenticity, I'm recommending a shift of being. When I find myself in moments of stress and strife, I can choose to come from where I'm at play instead. Sometimes, faking it makes me realize I've been here all along.