Taking An Honest Look

Block and MatI’m not a stranger to 40 Days. I have co-led the program twice and successfully completed it a number of times on my own (I even do a bi-annual fruit cleanse for fun), so my decision to participate in this online 40 Days program seemed casual... almost an after thought. But then a few days following my registration for the "Revolutionary" version where we meet virtually once a week in small groups (and plastering my intention to participate all over Facebook and Instagram) I realized something... I’ve never actually been led in this process. This revelation (while seemingly trite) threw me into a tail-spin– I was terrified. Frozen by the mere idea of being told by someone else how to approach the program. In short... it made my inner control freak, freak out! Immediately, I started fantasizing about how I could back-out of the program gracefully. I planned to delete ALL social media posts right away and write an email explaining how “due to unforeseen circumstances” I’ll need to postpone until next year. Just then, I received an email inviting me to blog about my 40 Days experience. That’s when it all fell into place and I realized that this is actually the perfect time for me to participate in the program. If I’m honest - really, really honest– this control thing of mine, it doesn’t just show-up in 40 days; it is my work. I recognize it in my relationships, both with myself and others. I feel it in my body and even catch it from time to time in my teaching. I can’t think of a better way to explore it then allowing myself to be guided in this program. So, here I am. Not sure how to give up control and be led, but willing to try. Oh, and I’m going to honestly write about the whole thing in the process. 40 Days Eve: Sunday, January 12th was my husband’s 36th birthday. We celebrated by hopping from one record store to another looking for vinyl treasures and then indulging in gourmet burgers and milkshakes... not our typical food and drink choices, but we were celebrating and, truthfully, I was conducting a little pre-40 Days binge party of my own. We were having so much fun that I almost blew-off my small group’s first call. I am so glad that I didn’t. Within the first 5 minutes, I realized that this approach to the program was going to be very different from my past experiences. I loved hearing everyone’s names and where they were from: Australia, Colorado, Cincinnati, North Carolina, Hong Kong, etc., even a fellow Pittsburgher was on the call. Participants shared their stories and intentions. A few people talked about a willingness to get messy and rediscovering self. Then someone generously shared that they are committing to the program in hopes of giving up control, and suddenly I wasn’t alone. I was a part of a global community working towards the same thing: transformation. My initial fear of surrendering control dissolved; it just let me go. I’m excited to discover what other surprises Week One has waiting.
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There is NO amount of Gratitude or Words I could possibly have for Baptiste Yoga!!! I admit it. I was a selfish & spoiled ungrateful BRAT. I know teaching me is hard & I fought Sooo many things along the way. If I had a nickel for Everytime I kicked Lululemon in the Teeth for trying to help me I wouldn’t need a job. My competitive Love & Hate Relationship with myself & everyone on this Planet has been a Gruelling Hard journey for me. I didn’t think I could conquer some of my Personality flaws & ever be ok with myself, my story & my journey until I met BARON!! I am a bottomless PIT of neediness but I Love you guys Sooo much & My Drive to be a part of your community is The BEST Journey I could ever Dream or Hope for. I’m getting there. It’s taking time but All Magnificent endings came from LONG Journeys!!! This post is just what I needed. I found my SAMEYS & am soooo happy!!! I Live you All & can’t wait to meet, share & be a part of ALL & EVERYTHING #baptiste YOGA stands for!!!! Xoxo

Trista Sullivan on April 24, 2015

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